~ Seeing. Not Looking ~

Oh, it's a question I get every day.
Well yeah almost every day.
As well as the statements with the (somehow) purpose to kill all my dreams, make me feel like a nobody and talk me down in every way possible.

Why do you want to leave the country?
What can be better in the UK?
Why can't you work in some office here in germany?
You can surely get a job here too! A better one!
I have family members/friends there! It's not better!
It's hard and complicated and you won't survive and it's expensive and you will be all alone on yourself and yadda yadda yadda....
I heard them all. Really... all.

But:
I don't care (I love it! ~ Sorry for the pun)

I'm not expecting paradise over there when it comes to finding a job and a place to live.
But when I put those two facts aside... it IS paradise to me.
And no, I don't overegg the pudding here.
I love the language, the food, the city of (greater) London itself, the tea, the mentality of the people, the hecticness,the culture... the everything overall....
And yes, I do know it's difficult to find a job and a flat.
But I don't expect a life full of luxury.
I just want to live my average life, earn enough money to have a filled fridge and to buy me things I like now and then.
I don't want a top position from the start.
If I end up in one ... it's okay, if not... then it's okay too.

I'm an Office Clerk, somehow, officially.
So that's what I have to search for here in germany.
But...... no one is interested in the things I am able to do without ever learning them.
I have so many talents where I can't show any kind of evidence... besides the promise that I'm completely honest.
I'm good in things where my grades say "not good" because my teacher hated me.
(And yes.. that's true... I fell from grades like A and B to E and F after that new teacher came along and I highly doubt that I got stupid, after being a straight A and B student for 10 years, within a month.)
I learned so much on my own, have basic skills in things like IT, programming, art knowledge, music knowledge, history knowledge, astronomy and many more.
I am a really fast learner, highly intelligent on a "savantism" basis and even brilliant in some of those areas.
And I'm a genius in everything in the organisation area...

But most of that stuff.... well... as I said... I have no proof and no evidence for.
Of course I could always show my talents to anyone interested.... but until today no one was interested and they all only care for what my grades and my qualifications say on the paper.

Back to topic.
Yes, the UK is for sure not completely different from what I've experienced here.
BUT... the mentality is different indeed.
Not every employer there, but plenty of them, are like "Can do? Good, then do."
My skills and talents matter.
Plus... I'm a native German speaker and am able to speak and write fluent English (and will be perfect and like a native after a few months there for sure).
I learned French as well, but I guess I would have to take some language lessons to be able to speak it again.
Same goes for Latin.
PLUS... my 3 years of apprenticeship are counting as experience and working time!

Childhood dreams.
We all had them, don't we?
Dreaming of what our future will look like and wishing for certain things to happen.
A job, a special man/woman, kids or no kids, places we wanted to see, a new country to live in and so on...

I had some of them too.
I wanted to leave germany and live in an English speaking country.
Didn't know if I wanted to go to the USA or to the UK back then. That choice was made later.
And I had a goal.... a job I wanted to have.
No kids, I detest them.
Never wanted to marry too.
And the not so rational part of me, the daydreaming one, wanted to run away from everything boring, everything tedious.
Off to adventures and something new.

A few of them I already achieved.
I'm not married and have no kids.
Yay.....

But I never ever wanted to be an "office clerk" but ... that's what I am now.
Sad sad.
On my "things I could imagine as my work"-list that job was somewhere down around place 40....

And today, when I can see the stars breaking through the bright lights coming from the city, I look up and feel myself on the verge of tears.
The rational part of me shouts: See! That's what you wanted since you were little! Those stars. You wanted to study them!
And my daydreaming self whispers to someone out there, hidden in the depths of the universe, to appear at my doorstep and run away to the stars with me.

Maybe I am exactly that, maybe not.
Maybe I'm just more sensible to everything than the average ones, maybe not.
I can't tell you.
But I guess I don't have to anyway.
That's not my division.

Some may say I overreact, some may say it's just normal.
But I am annoyed by sometimes silly things.
At least I guess they're silly in your eyes, hm?

I am annoyed when people are wearing those "flip-flop" shoes/slippers.
The ones without a strap at the heel.
Seriously... you stomp like an elephant and even if you try to be silent you sound like a duck walking on wet concrete floor.

I am as well annoyed by typing. Yes, simple typing.
I annoy myself with that, though I'm typing really silently.
(I always wear headphones, listening to music when typing much.)
Most abuse their poor keyboard. And in the end that makes me highly aggressive.

Same, the aggression I mean, goes for telephone calls.
Others, not mine.
It annoys me to no end when people are talking for hours and hours every bloody day.
People tend to suddenly scream so loud, when being on the phone, that I can hear everything (despite closed doors) and even am able to hear what the person on the other side of the line talks about.

What annoyed me since I was a little child are unnecessary counterquestions.
Or unnecessary questions and statements in general.
Do I have to explain that? Nah, I don't think so~

Oh! And repeating myself over and over and over again is an annoying thing too.
Remember after one or maximally two times, please, or write it down if you are too stupid to remember.
Can't be that difficult....
I do that too.
Writing things down when knowing I won't remember.
Although that happens not very often and are mostly doctor's appointments.